Insufficiency is key

Right now I’m not even sure if my writing is decent – I haven’t had enough time to think or process, but everything I’m saying is real and raw. 

I never thought I’d find myself in a scenario where I’d be facing unrequited love – it hurts, horribly.

I guess the idea that i’d met someone that got me, that was funny, and that was easy to talk to was perhaps a little too good to be true.

Lately I’ve been waking around with a heavy sense of insufficiency. God, I really feel like I’m not good enough and don’t worry I’ve tried to rectify that – more substance into my usual conversations, more gloss on my usually chapped lips – it’s weird, when I’m finally trying to make an effort, in the hopes of seeming like a viable option I’m anything one. 

What’s worse is that I’ve become the walking talking heart broken cliche – I may not be overindulging in sugary treats but my mind is pre occupied in what could’ve been, in what should’ve been if only I’d been more sufficient, I feel a gaping sense of emptiness with everything that I do – trying my best to fathom a smile, trying my best to forget and maybe my facade – the one that I’ve painted so perfectly – will hopefully become a reality.

I’ve never experienced this, it’s horrible, it’s gut wrenching – I hope it ends, I hope that I find myself sufficient. 

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